i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize