What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
