That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
