I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
