like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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