Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
