The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
