you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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