you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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