Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He did a backflip because drugs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
