forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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