Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
