i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Small penises have feelings too.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
