he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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