Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
