I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
