i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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