chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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