so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
