I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
