Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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