If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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