Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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