are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize