This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
