I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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