Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dick very happy bro
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
