I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
