dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
