You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
