i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
