My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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