...so i touched it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
