What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
