I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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