I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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