I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
