its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
