I hope mine doesn't look like that
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
