my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Drake has all the answers
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
