that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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