The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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