not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
