could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
