just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
