used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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