i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
