just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
