Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
