What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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