you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
