butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
