wakey wakey hands off snakey
i was born a porn star she said
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
