this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
