If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
