I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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