Already got asked if we're dating
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize