Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
