Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
