Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
