Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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