The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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