dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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