..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just invented taco cereal.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
