There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
