Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
be right there i have to get my cape
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
