somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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