Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
