You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need to calm my uterus...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
