Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
