I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
