She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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