Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
