I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
