if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
