fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
