Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
