hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
