So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
