I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
