Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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