my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
