Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize