I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
