when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
