She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
