Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
