I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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