Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
