yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
