i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
