there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
