stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
