2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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