Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
