can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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