piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
