Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
