It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
