Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
