At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
