I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
