he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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